I hate problems we wouldn't have without all our computers. That's why my keyboards needs to be durable and I never go without my sledge if a colleague calls me to fix some annoying problem (yes, I can become rude, sorry, I meant root -- and no, that is not my principal duty).

Although I think Usenix isn't so bad at all, I really recommend for some good laughs the lecture of "The Unix Haters Handbook" (PDF | Wikipedia).

My profile picture shows one (rather rare) exemplar out of my telephone collection. It is a Deutsche Bundespost FeTAp 2L-752 which can handle two POTS lines.

If you still feel that you need to contact me directly, bravely use [my Stackexchange username]@gmx.net.